Parent / Guardian

Dear Parent/Guardian,

“The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.” Psalm 9:9 (NIV)

We pray you find this section helpful, especially because we understand this may be one of the most difficult times in your life. Your child is a precious gift from God who has just experienced a severely traumatic event. This can even result in trauma for you. We anticipate you are experiencing many strong emotions and questions. Our goal is to assist you in evaluating some of your thoughts and in determining next steps to start you and your child on the journey of healing. We also want you to feel seen. You are not alone in this situation no matter how much it may feel that way.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

Before you read any further, we want to remind you that your church leadership and congregation are called by God to pray and support you. When you are comfortable, please share with them the ways they may be a blessing to you. That being said, we understand the sexual abuse committed against your child may have been carried out by someone you trust; such as a family member, a close family friend, or someone you know from work, school, or church such as a church leader or volunteer. If this is the case, we encourage you to remember that, despite our own human tendencies to group God with His people, God is still good, still in control, and still adamantly working on your behalf; trust that even on the darkest of days, God loves you very much and is seeking a personal relationship with you through His Son Jesus Christ. However, this does not mean that you need to trust the perpetrator again or return your child to a dangerous situation.

We would like to specifically outline the ways you can expect your church leadership to assist you in your reporting and healing process-both for you and your child. Be sure to advocate for yourself and your child if you feel underserved and vocalize the needs you and your child have throughout your healing journey.

As a parent/guardian, you may expect the following from church leadership:

  • Prayers

  • Guidance with the following:

    • Reporting to your state’s abuse hotline and/or to a local law enforcement agency

    • Seeking healing through Christian counseling services

  • Assistance with physical needs (food, clothing, shelter) as the church and leadership are able and in accordance with your needs

  • Confidentiality unless otherwise permitted to share information

  • Provision of applicable Bible references for comfort, meditation, healing, and growth

We would also like to caution you as a parent in regards to some ways feelings of grief and helplessness may present themselves. Please seek purely the facts when speaking with your child, and do everything possible to prevent leading them into a false narrative about potential abuse. Encourage honest conversations without incriminating anyone within the church. However, do not deny your child’s reported abuse. Most children do not fabricate stories of abuse and actually have difficulty opening up to their parents about their experience. Seek The Lord in your situation and rely on Him for your wisdom and discernment. You can also seek wisdom and guidance from church leadership. In addition, there are specific resources for parents facing your crisis here.

May you find the healing and peace that only God can provide.

With love,

Church Forward

Immediate Response Checklist

Referral to Other Professionals

As a parent/guardian, you may seek counseling from your church leadership both for your child and for yourself. However, pastors and church leaders may not be adequately trained in counseling services to provide you with the assistance you and your child may need and/or desire. Do not be alarmed if church leadership asks your permission to refer you or your child to a Christian counselor in order to better meet your needs. If they do not refer you or your child to a licensed counseling professional, but you feel you or your child need these services, we encourage you to request a referral to Christ First Counseling Center or another trusted, Christian counselor in your area.

The following are situational examples requiring referrals to other professional(s):

  • • Diagnosed medical conditions, such as: depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, etc.

    • Someone is a danger to themselves or others

    • Referral resources:

    • Christ First Counseling Services

    • Email address: cfcc@christfirstcounseling.com

    • Phone number: (888) 383-2322

    • The member’s or attendee’s regular counselor

    • A trusted Christian counselor in your area

    • If unsure of a local resource, your AMS/DOM may have some recommendations.

  • • When someone is thinking about or planning suicide

    • Referral resources:

    • Appropriate authorities

    • Call 911 immediately

    • Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

    • Phone number: 1-800-273-8255; 24 hours a day, 7 days a week

    • Text number: 988; 24 hours a day, 7 days a week

Documentation

Documentation is a very important piece of accountability and evidence. We encourage you to document any pertinent interactions, and provide those to the proper law enforcement or investigative entity.

  • • Emails that track communication between yourself and others

    • Talk to text

    • Voice recordings (after first notifying other individuals in conversation)

  • • SOAP Notes (Subjective, Objective, Assessment, Plan)

    • Narrative notes

    • Voice recordings transferred to Word or an online document

  • • Time

    • Date

    • Place

    • Individuals present

    • Topic and content of discussion or situation

  • • Keep consistent notes that maintain the same format

    • Record notes as soon as you are finished with a conversation or during the conversation if able

Confidentiality vs. Secrecy

Church leadership should take confidentiality for you and your family very seriously. They should always communicate clearly with you beforehand when they feel it is necessary/ beneficial to share your confidential information with anyone else, such as a trusted advisor or other church leadership, to make sure you are all in agreement before proceeding. If you have concerns or fears about details being shared, you may request that they remove your name(s) when sharing or only share general information about your situation. Trust and safety should always be a top priority.

Confidentiality means: “marked by intimacy or willingness to confide”

  • • “Before you share this, I want you to know”

    • “I’m not going to promise that I won’t share.”

    • “Please trust me to do what is right.”

    • “I’ll communicate with you what I am doing as I am doing it.”

    • “I will share this information with someone else if you are a danger to yourself or others.”

Secrecy is defined as: “the condition of being hidden or concealed”; “the habit or practice of keeping secrets or maintaining concealment”

Secrecy fosters fear, anxiety, mistrust, gossip, and dysfunction in the flock. It destroys accountability and gives space for untruths which can produce much collateral damage. Secrecy can affect church growth. It can hamper the congregation’s ability to come before God and allow the Spirit to move in the midst of the faith community. This can be especially true when pastors or church leaders have used or continue to use secrecy in attempts to preserve reputations or in order to control individual views within the church body. (Mark 4:22)

“Secrecy, once accepted, becomes an addiction.” -Edward Teller

By taking steps to guard confidentiality while preventing secrecy that can harm the church body as a whole, you are protecting the very children of God. May we allow the light of Christ to shine in our communications and dealings with one another.

Key Words

  • for this task force, an individual who is accused of sexual abuse, sexual assault, or sexual violence

  • a set of rules that members of an organization or people with a particular job or position must follow

  • anyone who holds a state recognized license in Kansas; for the purposes of this task force, pastors are mandated reporters; ethically and morally, pastors should report instances of sexual abuse, sexual exploitation, and sexual violence

  • everyone; everyone has a responsibility to report child abuse or neglect; state law requires any person who has a reason to believe that a child has been abused or neglected to report their concerns to the Child Abuse and Neglect Hotline

Trauma-Informed Care

Trauma-informed care is vital to the healing of individuals who have been abused. Being trauma-informed means first realizing the prevalence of trauma and second realizing that everyone has different reactions to trauma; at its simplest form, this means that people’s actions can be influenced by their traumatic experiences. There is not a “one size fits all” response to a traumatic event. Some individuals react to trauma in maladaptive ways and even develop mental health disorders in response to their experience, while some individuals react to trauma more positively.

Important principles of trauma-informed care include:

  • • It is important for you as a pastor or church leader to believe the survivor who is approaching you for assistance

    • Coming forward to seek help can be extremely difficult and even daunting for the survivor

    • It is not your job, as a pastor or church leader, to substantiate or disprove the claims that are being made

  • • You are encouraged to ask for permission prior to

    1) becoming involved in the survivor’s healing process

    2) setting up a meeting with another trusted church leader who can become involved in the survivor’s healing process

    3) discussing certain topics with the survivor

  • • When an individual has been through sexual trauma, their voice, certain choices, and bodily autonomy have been taken from them

    • It is important for you to offer the survivor one of the biggest keys to healing: control

    • Asking questions is one of the main ways you can offer control

    • Allowing them to be in the “driver’s seat” especially regarding next steps in seeking justice and obtaining healing is another main way you can offer control

  • • This will depend upon the age of the survivor

Mandated Reporting for Kansas & Nebraska

Currently, anyone holding a professional license in the state of Kansas is a mandated reporter. Pastors, you are not mandated reporters; however, mandated or not, reporting is the right thing to do. 

  • Mandated reporter state definition: any person who is licensed to practice any branch of the healing arts, a licensed psychologist, a licensed master level psychologist, a licensed clinical psychotherapist, the chief administrative officer of a medical care facility, a teacher, a licensed social worker, a licensed professional nurse, a licensed practical nurse, a licensed dentist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, a licensed clinical marriage and family therapist, licensed professional counselor, licensed clinical professional counselor, registered alcohol and drug abuse counselor, a law enforcement officer, a case manager, a rehabilitation counselor, a bank trust officer or any other officers of financial institutions, a legal representative, a governmental assistance provider, an owner or operator of a residential care facility, and independent living counselor and the chief administrative officer of a licensed home health agency, the chief administrative officer of an adult family home and the chief administrative officer of a provider of community services and affiliates thereof operated or funded by the department for children and families or licensed under K.S.A. 75-3307b and amendments thereto who has reasonable cause to believe that an adult or child is being or has been abused, neglected or exploited or is in need of protective services shall report, immediately from receipt of the information, such information or cause a report of such information to be made in any reasonable manner.

    A report should be made by the person who has “a reason to believe” that abuse or neglect is being experienced; however, if you are aware that someone else is making a report, you are not then required to report-as long as a report on the child’s or vulnerable adult’s behalf is made. Follow-up is key in these situations to ensure that at least one report is made.

    Generally, a report is not required for an adult who has experienced sexual abuse in their childhood UNLESS there is “reasonable suspicion” that the alleged offender is still alone around children/vulnerable adults or UNLESS the person the report is made to is a mandated reporter. Though the law seems unclear in regard to adults who recount abuse that occurred in their childhood, those with a designated state license who receive an account of the sexual abuse are encouraged to report. The ultimate goal for pastors and church leaders who have knowledge of a potential danger is to stop the cycle of abuse.

    **When in doubt, REPORT.

    If you are unsure how to make a report, we encourage you to review the information in the following websites:

    Reporting Abuse, Neglect and Exploitation of Adult and Child - Prevention and Protection Services

    A Guide to Reporting Child Abuse and Neglect

    If you continue to experience uncertainty, you may email Christ First Christian Counseling at survivorsfirst@christfirstcounseling.com with questions you have pertaining to reporting.

    Anyone who reports is treated much like a person under Good Samaritan Laws which prohibit actions against the Good Samaritan or, in this case, reporter:

    “Anyone who, without malice, participates in making a report to DCF or a law enforcement agency on suspicion that a child may be in need of care, or anyone who participates in any activity or investigation relating to the report, or anyone who participates in any judicial proceeding resulting from the report, shall have immunity from any civil liability that might otherwise be incurred or imposed.”

Currently, everyone in the state of Nebraska is a mandated reporter. Pastors, church leaders, volunteers, and flock, this means you are responsible for reporting any allegations recounted to you.

  • Mandated reporter state definition: everyone has a responsibility to report child abuse or neglect; state law requires any person who has a reason to believe that a child (or vulnerable adult) has been abused or neglected to report their concerns to the Child Abuse and Neglect Hotline

    Everyone is not specifically defined throughout the Nebraska Statute of Limitations. There is no distinction made between child and adult.

    A report should be made by the person who has “a reason to believe” that abuse or neglect is being experienced; however, if you are aware that someone else is making a report, you are not then required to report-as long as a report on the child’s or vulnerable adult’s behalf is made. Follow-up is key in these situations to ensure that at least one report is made.

    Generally, a report is not required for an adult who has experienced sexual abuse in their childhood UNLESS there is “reasonable suspicion” that the alleged offender is still alone around children/vulnerable adults or UNLESS the person the report is made to is a mandated reporter. Though the law seems unclear in regard to adults who recount abuse that occurred in their childhood, all persons in Nebraska who receive an account of the sexual abuse are encouraged to report. The ultimate goal for pastors and church leaders who have knowledge of a potential danger is to stop the cycle of abuse.

    **When in doubt, REPORT.

    If you are unsure how to make a report, we encourage you to review the information in the following websites:

    Child Abuse

    What to Expect - Project Harmony

    If you continue to experience uncertainty, you may email Christ First Christian Counseling at survivorsfirst@christfirstcounseling.com with questions you have pertaining to reporting.

    Anyone who reports is treated much like a person under Good Samaritan Laws which prohibit actions against the Good Samaritan or, in this case, reporter:

    “Your contact with the hotline is confidential and will not be shared with the family. You may be contacted by a Child and Family Services Specialist during the investigation, however, you may request to remain anonymous.”

    For more information, please reach out to DHHS at DHHS.ChildrenandFamilyServices@nebraska.gov

Statute of Limitations

  • Rape: No time limit to report

    Sexually violent crimes: Depends upon the age of the survivor

    • For survivors 18 years or older case must be started within 10 years of the crime

    • For survivors under 18 years old, within 10 years of their 18th birthday

    EXCEPTIONS:

    • If you are absent from the state or hiding within the state.

    • The crime has been concealed.

    • Substantial evidence that two of the following factors exist: survivor was under 15 when the crime happened, they did not understand the acts were a crime due to age/intelligence; survivor was prevented by a parent or other legal authority from telling the police about the crime; an expert witness testifies that the survivor has repressed memories about the crime

    A case starts for the purposes of the statute of limitations when a complaint or information has been filed or an indictment by grand jury returned and a warrant has been issued. However, if the warrant isn't executed, the prosecution isn't deemed to have started.

  • Under Nebraska law, the statute of limitation depends upon the severity of the crime, ranging from one year to no time limit.

    • First or second degree sexual assault: No time limit to report

    • Sexual assault (second or third degree) when the victim is 14 or younger, third-degree sexual assault when the victim is under 16 when the assault happened, incest, sex trafficking, labor trafficking, or child pornography: No time limit to report

    • Kidnapping, false imprisonment, child abuse, pandering (activities involving prostitution), debauching a child under 17 (that is exposing or involving the child in sexual activities), obscene materials when victim is under 16: 7 years after the offense was committed or the child turns 16, whichever is later

    • Failure to report child abuse or neglect: 18 months after the offense was committed or the child turns 18, whichever is later

    *Even if prosecution is no longer applicable, it is still important to report in order to pursue healing and closure and to protect others from sexual abuse.

    https://nebraskalegislature.gov/laws/statutes.php?statute=29-110

Christ First Counseling Center (CFCC) Services

Christ First Counseling Center (CFCC) is “dedicated to strengthening individuals, couples, families, and communities.”

CFCC is “a non-profit ministry that seeks to serve those around us with the highest level of care possible. We strive to be a compassionate ministry of hope and healing for all people; and to contribute to the overall health and well-being of the community we work and live in by providing the best care to every client through Christ-centered, integrated clinical practice, education and research. We also specialize in Human Systems Consulting, organizational health, and training services.”

This “means you can come to us no matter your situation and we will work with you. We will work with you to provide you with high quality services at an affordable rate. We desire to walk through your situation with you. It also means that to continue what we do, we rely on donations to assist those who need support but can not afford it.”

Pastors/church leaders, we encourage you to receive the care you need in order to lead a healthy family both within your home and within your church. We also encourage you to seek assistance when the weight of counseling another becomes too much to bear. Your needs are important to us at Church Forward/KNCSB. Therefore, Church Forward/KNCSB contracts with and allocates funding to Christ First Counseling Center. CFCC provides counseling in person and via telemedicine in both Kansas and Nebraska. If you feel you are in need of their services, you may contact your local AMS/DOM, one of your Church Forward/KNCSB convention staff, or CFCC directly. When you initially speak with the counseling office, be sure to mention you are a Church Forward/KNCSB pastor and request a referral form.

While CFCC does accept many forms of insurance, including Medicare and Medicaid, and works with individuals based off of a sliding scale, we understand that not all insurances cover mental health resources and that even a sliding scale may not make counseling feasible in your situation. If seeking counseling services would or could create a financial burden on your family, Church Forward’s partnership with CFCC may be able to provide assistance. Let your AMS/DOM, the Church Forward/KNCSB convention staff member, or the CFCC representative you speak with know that you would benefit from financial assistance in order to receive counseling services.

Additional Resources